Igniting Passionate Intimacy

True passionate intimacy is so much more than just sexual intimacy. If you’re waiting until you get to the bedroom to have passionate intimacy then I’m afraid that you are missing out on an entire world of intimacy opportunities. Not only are you missing out, but you are also depriving your spouse of healthy intimacy.

Remember back to an experience of when you were first dating someone or newly married. You made the other person your priority right? And he/she was a priority in more ways than one right? That was passionate intimacy. You might not have been sexually intimate during those times, but you were passionately in tune with each other’s wants and needs. It took effort, but it didn’t seem like it because it was so new and fresh. As time goes on we settle into complacency and we forget how to put the other person first. We must work hard at cultivating passionate intimacy.

Well, here are some ideas on how to go about doing that. Hopefully as you read, the waters of creativity will stir within you and you will develop a sense of what passionate intimacy looks like within your relationship.

Igniting her passion

It’s been said a thousand times. Women are typically more in tune with what a relationship needs to thrive especially on an emotional level. It’s just how women are wired. As a result, men, if you want her to be more open about her sexual desires, start by melting her heart. Find out more about the emotional connections that are tied closely to her sense of self and the way she relates to the world around her. Cultivate the emotional connection that she craves.

One way you can do this is by selecting a part of her body that you love most. If it is her eyes that attract you most, let her know. Do not just pretend. Women know well if you are just pretending. Be sincere. Start by holding her hand, looking into her eyes, and say in a soft, sweet voice how attracted you are with her eyes.

Another way is to romance her by finding out in what way she shows and likes to receive love. If she is a person that likes gifts then get creative and give her gifts. Gifts don’t have to be expensive. They can just be small tokens of your love and appreciation for her that tell her that you know what she likes and values. If she likes it when people do things for her – or perform tasks for her – then show her your love by engaging in house hold chores or some other form of service. If she is turned on by spending time together then figure out ways that the two of you can spend more time together engaged in meaningful conversation.

As you do these things, she will be able to feel your love for her on that much needed emotional level and this will, in turn, boost her mood and ignite a sense of sexual drive and passion for her husband. As you continue to do these things for her (and this is key) with no expectation for anything in return, she will begin to open up to you more sexually. Passion will be ablaze and as your emotional connection strengthens she will be turned on by you not just by what you do or who you are.

Igniting his passion

While women are typically more in tune with the emotional health of a relationship, men are more in tune with the physical intimacy aspect of the relationship. For most men, a tender kiss or a few strategically placed soft touches can put his libido on high alert. It’s important to remember, however, that men, like women, have unique ways of communicating love and passion. For most men, though, respect, pride and visual stimulation go a long way.

Passionate intimacy, for men, is gained when women look after their man’s sense of pride, respect and visual appeal. Women need to remember that men value his spouse’s opinions. If a wife is consistently nagging or disrespectful it can be a tremendous turn off for him. In the same vein, if a man doesn’t feel respected by his mate, he will likely find a decline in his passionate intimacy.

So make sure that you are finding ways to show respect, boost his pride and appeal to his visual needs for sensuality. Be willing to get creative when it comes to showing him that you respect him as a man, husband, father and human being. Many people make excuses when it comes to showing respect by hand waving it and saying "respect is earned not given". Heard that one before? I say, what a crock! Respect is given. It’s a gift we give to those we love. We show respect because we value something. Showing respect to your husband simply because he is your husband should be motivation enough. As you show respect you will boost his sense of pride and ego. As he gains a boost in his ego and sense of pride he will be more apt to show you emotional intimacy and passion.

When passionate intimacy is ready to move into the bedroom, make sure you are visually appealing to him. Let him see you in sexy lingerie. Be willing to explore new and playful ideas in the bedroom. Men get excited at the idea of trying something new. Put some thought into foreplay and take a moment for a few strategically places kisses. When done correctly and in the context of mutual respect and care he will literally melt in your hands (and hands should be used).


Igniting passion in a relationship takes planning, dedication and hard work. It’s not for the faint of heart. You must be driven to improving your marriage and you must be persistent. Expectations for improving passion immediately must be ignored. Igniting passion takes time. As you implement the above strategies over time, passion will improve. Your spouse is looking for you to be consistent and make him/her a priority. Your goal should NOT be sex! Your goal should be cultivating a romantic relationship that is emotionally intimate. Once emotional intimacy is strong, improvement in sexual intimacy should follow. Above all, make sure you are having fun together. Laugh and make memories.

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headshot01Brandon is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor specializing in marriage therapy and sex therapy. He does counseling from a Christian world view and is located in Chattanooga Tennessee. You can find out more about Brandon through his listing in the directory.